Our Company

Customer: do you ship to Bowen Island?
Me: we sure do!
Customer: ok. I'll order it thanks! (he goes to hang up)
Me: wait! I need to know where you're calling from.
Customer: oh. I'm calling from here.
Me: and what is the name?
Customer: our company.
Me: yes. What is the name of the company though.
Customer: told you, our company!
Me: ok. I need to know the actual name so that I know who to charge.
Customer *gets angry* it's NAME.

For the record, if I've never even spoken with you before, and we have thousands of clients, I have no clue who the fuck you are.

Envelope Fun!

I do love how people don't understand what fits in a car and what doesn't.

CSR (me): ok and what are we picking up
Customer: it's a small envelope, it should be able to fit into a car.

This raises some questions for me, such as how many people have seen an envelope and a car, and what would make someone think that an envelope can't fit into a car. I love people and their lack of common sense.

Dimensions? What are those?

One of my absolute hated questions I ask when someone tells me that a box is 85 LBS, is asking what the dimensions are. We need to know in case its 8 feet long and we need a bigger vehicle, and how I need to price it out the next day when I go through the orders.

CSR (me): and what are the dimensions of this box?
Customer: what do you mean dimension?
CSR: the size of the box. I can take inches, centimeters, and feet.
Customer: oh... I don't know. A foot?
CSR: a foot by...?
Customer: a foot?
CSR: ok, there are 3 dimensions, I do need 3 dimensions here.
Customer: 3 dimensions?
CSR: yes. Length by width by height.
Customer: ohhh. Ok. So a foot by a foot.
CSR: (just writes down 2x2x2 and charge then more for being a pain in the ass)

The Classic

CSR (me): and what are we picking up for you today?
Customer: an envelope. Wait! It's brown though, is that ok?

When you call in to a courier company (especially a local one) we don't charge by the color of the envelope. Hell, we don't even care if it's a big one or a small one. We want to know if we're picking up a little package or a crate of salmon. When you call, please just let us know it's an envelope, I really don't give a shit if it's purple.